the camera's on

so my class this year includes the usual suspects - a few hyperactives, a couple space-cases, and then the new cast of characters.  in the past i've had "fleapox", "the sailor", "the lurcher", "my package", and "triple espresso".  "mentiroso" and "cheese" (the child formally known as "match boy" for those of you who speak to me in real life) are the newbies.  it changes every year.  anyway, here is the story of "cheese".  "cheese" is new to my school and the first grade having completed (if you can call it that) kindergarten twice and then transferring to our school.  he was kicked out of an afterschool program for stabbing another child with a pencil and then attempting to do so several more times.  he was suspended from kindergarten (the first time) because he kicked his teacher (who was 9 months pregnant - wow.  just missed that one, huh?) in the stomach.  he's been medicated since he was in preschool for a ridiculous amount of disorders, including oppositional defiance disorder, bipolar, and possibly schizophrenia.  anyway, it all came together for me last week when i met his mother during parent/teacher conferences.  she tells me:

"oh!  if he ever acts up, just tell him the camera is on"

i said, "and what does that mean?"

"oh! you'll love this!" she gushes.  i doubt that i will.

"his father and i have told him that we've implanted cameras behind his eyes so that we can see when he gets in trouble"

i stare at her with my mouth wide open.  ya right lady.  i'm gonna tell your schizo son that you've secretly implanted something in his body.  sure.  and i wondered why he was so messed up.  say cheese.