christmas critters

'twas the middle of december

and in our small house,

we had just escaped

the wrath of a louse.

in room 25

the first grade - that is,

lice had invaded

all of the kids.

so back at our home

in our jim-jammy-roos,

matt, sam, and jack

were ready to snooze.

when all of a sudden

i heard a "scritch-scratch"

i leapt from the bed

and lit up a match.

"i'll burn the place down!"

the words flew from my mouth

but the look on matt's face

told me things had gone south

"critters!" i cried

"the small furry kind"

"the ones with the tail

coming from their behind"

"bologna" said matt

"and i don't mean for dinner"

"if we're telling whoppers

you're surely the winner"

meanwhile, the scoob,

with a smile on his face

quickly whipped up something

that stunk up the place.

"they're coming for jack!

they'll get him - i know it

where's lady and the tramp?

do you need me to show it?"

"you've worked yourself up

into quite a tizzy -

do you really base all of your facts

on walt disney?"

"so" matt continued

"what should i do?

tear down the walls 

and give them the shoe?"

"yes!" i replied

and that turned his head

"maybe we'll just

call the landlords" he said

"well, while you're at it

perhaps be so bold

to inform them of

our problem with mold"

"it's under the sink

coming from the baseboards

and in our bathroom

it's working towards

becoming a problem

and we do not need

to have that - so

hear my words and take heed.

tell them to fix it

and please make it quick

i don't want my house

a mess for st. nick"

so we gave them a call

and the verdict came in

"we'll gut the whole kitchen - 

when can we begin?"

so the moral, my friends

is really quite clear:

don't rent-

buy your own house

this upcoming year.