to the crazy b's i saw today

you: were having a gnarly cat fight in your apt. parking lot.  i only noticed because my windows were down and i was able to hear the profanities you were hurling at each other along with your fists.  yes.  you were punching each other.

then.  i saw that one of you brought your child along for the show.  your poor little boy was watching you behave like even less of a lady than you already claim to be.

i:  drove around the corner and was so upset that i doubled back while dialing the esco. p.d.  ya that's right. i did it.

but.  when i got back to your complex the two of you were gone and your kid was too.  i can only hope that both of you dropped dead and your son was rescued by a kind soul.  i wasn't going to go on a door to door hunt for you worthless sacks so i hung up.

be warned.  if i ever come across you again, i will not only call the police but - if my children are not in the car with me and yours are safely hidden away somewhere - i will run you over with my car and save this city from your pathetic childish antics.

get some class.

they call her the stink

not once.  not twice. but three times (a lady?) this week, our delicate flower has produced something in her drawers that can only be compared to armageddon.  the worst attack (in my opinion) took place in a restaurant while we were out to eat with cowboy baba.

hmmmm.... she seems fussy grampa, i'll just take her out to the - ohmygawd!!! why is my hand slimey?!?  what's happening?!?!  ohmygawd!!!

and this child does not do anything half-ass (no pun intended).  i left her home with the hubby and jack for a couple hours the other night and i received this text:

worst fears realized.  BLOWOUT.

poor hubby.  poor baby girl.  anyway, i leave you with a picture that i snapped of the stink this week after one of her "incidents".  ya.  they're that bad.  maybe it's a phase....???

flashback friday

i was lurking my own blog the other day because people do that, right?  shutupitstotallynormalokay???  anyway, i found this post from back in the day - like november '08 style.  you have to read it because i am flippin' hilarious sometimes but the kids in my class top me most of the time.  check it out:  is that a banana in your pocket?

adventures in potty training - damnyoupeepee.

right now as i write this post one handed there may or may not be:

pee on the floor

dirty bottles on the table

a wet diaper next to me on the couch

a three year old in time-out

an 8 week old passed out in my arms

oh, the glamorous life i lead....

it all starts innocently enough...  so we're attempting to potty train the boy which is absolutely an adventure.  i can't tell you how often i'll turn around and see him watching pee evacuate from his little body all over the floor MINUTES after i've watched him pee in the potty.  today was especially exciting when i dragged him in the bathroom to "try" and realized his big boy undies were already wet.

"where's the pee pee, jack?"

blank stare.

so i start searching the house for evidence and quickly come across a gigantic puddle next to the train table.

"ta-da!"

are you serious, little boy?  he's so happy for me that i've found the "prize" in this f*&#@$ up treasure hunt.  so i put a smile on my face and grab the lysol.

"next time he pee pee goes in the potty, right baby?"

right?! through gritted teeth....

journaling mommy

so i stole this idea from someone else...  pretty sure it was coach (holla, carisa!).  aaaaaaaand i'm not sure if i'm doing it the same way as her but here's what it entails.  i went and bought two fancy looking journals here - one for each little mitch.  then the plan is to write journal entries about each child - to each child - in their personal journal.  and THEN the final product would be to one day (when they want it) give them their journal(s) so they have a record of them growing up.  cool?  ya, i know.  =) anyway, i bought the journals last week sometime and i'm JUST getting to the stink's.  i finally wrote her first entry yesterday and now i need to get on jack's so he doesn't get all jealous and stuff.