"a trip to wal-mart" or "to hell and back"

sunday we were getting ready to go to a birthday party and i mentioned to hubby

"you know, we really should get the kid something...."

so i went to my go to spot for cute gift ideas and came up with this!  super cute for a dinosaur party, right!?  problem was... i needed a hooded sweatshirt... in june... in southern california... during a heat wave.  damn.  hubby says

"well, let's just go over to wal-mart.  they'll have everything you need all in one place."

gasp!

"you know how i feel about that place",  i muttered.

"i know i know.... but it's on the way home.  it'll be fine."

famous last words.

as we pulled into the unholy ground parking lot, the kids immediately started melting down.

"see!  they can sense it!", i hissed.

we dragged them into the store - jack started arguing with EVER-Y-THING i said and chris farley ellie was a hot mess already.  of course.... no hooded sweatshirts.

of.  course.  hubby tried to make it all better

"just pick out some clothes while i distract the kids in the toy section and then we can get out of here"

i'm sorry if you are a wal-mart shopper.  i truly am.  especially if you buy their clothes.  they're cheap.  they're ugly.  and your poor children are going to go up in flames if they are anywhere near a candle or heat source.  ALSO.  they make their labels so that you either see the price ($3.87) or the dreaded store name. and you can't take it off or else you look like you raided your closet for presents.  and you can't leave them on because everyone will know you shopped at whiskey tangoville wal-mart!  gah!!!

so i finally just grabbed some cheap-ass-zero-quality clothes and sprinted to the front of the store.  we purchased our crap gift and as we're leaving realize that the boy should probably make a pit stop.

cue the screaming demon.

"i don't want to go pee-pee!!  i hate pee-pee!  it's not my favorite!  i. don't. want. to. go. pee. pee!!"

allllllllll the way into the restroom, into the stall, onto the potty.  as i'm holding him down on the potty he suddenly looks at me and says

"fine.  i go pee pee all by myself."

i grabbed that kid, yanked up his shorts, and made a mad dash for the front door.  we got to the car and he fell asleep almost instantly.

the power of christ compels you! ohthankgoditsover.

by the way.  i made a beeline for target once the kids were home with the mister and bought a super cute little outfit.  returned those damned clothes the next day.

mark my words....  never.  again.

the stink turns one

worst.  blogger.  ever. 

that being said....  my baby girl turned one about a month ago recently!  i know it's super cliche to say, "they grow up so fast" but seriously... they kinda do!  i remember the dark days - aka those first 6-8 weeks and thinking to myself, "this madness is never going to end!"  anyway, we had a lovely "hungry caterpillar" party for our sweet chunk and she had no problem digging right into her cupcake (that's kinda cliche too, right?)  happy birthday, ellie! 

a story by jack

jack and pepe and greco were running.  and there was a lot of big humungous ice.  and then pepe and greco falled down.  but angel grandma bring medicine and picked pepe up.  then jack and pepe and greco were running again.

oh man, i love this boy.  he finished his story by asking me, "what do sea monsters eat?"

"probably sea monster food", i said.

"ohhhhh... the pirates feed them?  they are babies and then the pirates feed them and they get bigger bigger bigger?"

"yes, that's exactly right."

we miss you, big dog.

baby food.

oh man.  long time.  and watch out... this is a long post. 

okay.  so i was at lunch with some ladies who are new (or up and comers) to the "mommy" scene and we were talking about the big baby food debate.  do you slave over a hot stove all day to make delicious, nutritious, food for your baby a la crunchy granola?  OR do you spend a fortune buying the organic baby food that comes in a jar because you don't have time for all that food making nonsense?  well... i've been in both camps and i'm back from the trenches to tell you...

you don't have to do either one!  with the boy i thought that i never had the time to make my own baby food and honestly, i didn't have the confidence either i guess...  but it turned out to be super expensive and i felt guilty for not being the super mommy who does it all.  so with the girl i decided to just buckle down and try out this whole homemade food nonsense.  and you know what?  it's really not that bad!  and!  it's waaaaaaaay cheaper than buying the jars.

so here is just a quick picture tutorial into how i do it (in case you're interested) so you have something to look at ... and also because it's easier than you coming over and judging the state of my house.  just saying...

okay.  first thing.  you're going to need to decide what to make.  i started the girl on sweet potatoes as her very first food.  since then she eats almost anything i put in front of her, especially if i blend it with something else.  tonight i made butternut squash.  so, buy a squash.  you're also going to need a good, sharp knife, cutting board, good vegetable peeler, a pot with a lid, one of those steamer basket thingies, and some sort of food processor.  i've heard you can use one of those handheld immersion mixers too but that's too fancy for me.

peel the squash then scrape out the nasty stuff inside.   cut it up into about 1" pieces or thin slices (it's your call) and put it in a steamer basket thingie in your pot with some water.  you're gonna let it steam until it's super soft and a bit mushy.

move all your squashy goodness into a food processor.  you can add some of the water that you steamed the squash with or some breastmilk or formula to thin it out and give it a familiar flavor if you like.  

blend, blend, blend until it looks like... baby food.  =) 

 okay, now you need to figure out how to store all of this yummy goodness.  i use two different methods and they are both great.  the first is by one step ahead and it's these great little containers.  they hold about three ounces of food and you can freeze, warm up, and serve all from the same container.  the second is the fresh baby - baby food freezer tray.  i think you get a two pack and they hold twelve one ounce "cubes" once it's all filled.  just spoon in your puree, cover, and freeze.  you can also use these for breastmilk that you've pumped too!  the good thing about this one is you can just pop out a few cubes whenever you want. 

so when it's all said and done, you've got your food for your kiddos!  oh!  a bonus of the whole thing:  sneaking purees into regular food so your boy (or girl) gets extra veggies.  trust me.  when your kid eats a steady diet of nuggets, corn dogs, and mac and cheese it's nice to know he's getting a little something extra when you slip some carrot, squash, or sweet potato puree into his mac and cheese or in tonight's case - quesadilla!  true story!  i just spread some squash on one of the tortillas and then smashed it in there with the cheese.  

 poor thing didn't even notice.  and the girl was just thrilled that i was feeding her again. 

 gasp!  you made me food, again!?!  oh you....  you shouldn't have. 

mo cookies

jack and i had an oreo cookie party on the kitchen floor the other day.  we shared.  he ate the creamy middle.  i got the soggy wafers.  mmmmmm.....  jealous?

this is him screaming "mo cookies!" at me.  also... this may or may not have been his dinner that night.  don't judge.

i'm alive.... i think

just a quick post-ita to assure ALL of my readers (i'm so popular, you know) that i am still alive and kicking, though just barely.  you may have noticed that the small people from your neighborhood disappeared.  don't worry.  school started.  i'm watching them.  actually, i'm supposed to be teaching them but in the crazy chaos that is the first week or so it's more like i'm wrangling them.  so, i promise to try and blog soon.... back to school night is this week and i'm hoping that maybe things will settle down a bit after that????  and i won't feel as though i've come down with mono or some other horrible kissing disease that mimics the exhaustion of "first week of school".

coming soon:  i'm a big girl now.  my superboy turns three.

to the crazy b's i saw today

you: were having a gnarly cat fight in your apt. parking lot.  i only noticed because my windows were down and i was able to hear the profanities you were hurling at each other along with your fists.  yes.  you were punching each other.

then.  i saw that one of you brought your child along for the show.  your poor little boy was watching you behave like even less of a lady than you already claim to be.

i:  drove around the corner and was so upset that i doubled back while dialing the esco. p.d.  ya that's right. i did it.

but.  when i got back to your complex the two of you were gone and your kid was too.  i can only hope that both of you dropped dead and your son was rescued by a kind soul.  i wasn't going to go on a door to door hunt for you worthless sacks so i hung up.

be warned.  if i ever come across you again, i will not only call the police but - if my children are not in the car with me and yours are safely hidden away somewhere - i will run you over with my car and save this city from your pathetic childish antics.

get some class.